Grace of God

Homespun

2010-10-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

I still am not yet into the swing of blogging again, but Brandon and I both have been busy with things at home. Brandon has been amazing in learning woodworking skills very quickly. I am enjoying learning from him. I am posting my chairs that I made and painted, the kitchen set we made together for Beatrice's birthday (courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa :), and the step stool Brandon made for Elijah from the wood of an old shipping pallet.
Also, here are some photos of the children holding up carrots we just dug from the garden, and Beatrice modelling the wooly pants I made for her. (I don't knit, they are recycled from a wool sweater.)

I am blogging again!

2010-09-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, and thanks to everyone who has let me know you are following my blog. I am back from a sabbatical and will now be blogging regularly again.

This weekend we had the pleasure of visiting my parents farm in Franklin, Kentucky. It was a memorable visit on account of the children's response to everything. Elijah is three now, and he showed his new independence by riding away on the four wheelers with his cousins, safely sandwiched between them, but nonetheless taking off with them in a way that showed he was no longer a baby. One of the highlights for him was seeing my parents load some calves into a trailer to haul to the market.

Beatrice was likewise excited by everything, and had her share of riding both the four wheelers and horses. She is now one year old, but still looks much younger because of her petite stature. This made her enthusiasm for riding all the more amusing. She cried pitifully every time we took her off a horse or four wheeler. When riding the four wheeler with her cousins, she waved her arms and shouted gleefully, while her little pink sunhat was flapping in the wind. By the time we left both children were exhausted in a very happy way. Elijah was adorable when he fell asleep with his puppy also sleeping in his lap.

By the way the main purpose of our visit was to get barnwood for Brandon. My parents have alot of old wood from barns they have torn down or restructured. Brandon wants to use this wood to build a tool cabinet. I am excited to see how it will look.

One Way to Stop Worrying

2010-06-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of our cat Jack Frost and the children. If you are wondering, Jack has white toes, as in "Jack Frost nipping at your toes." He loves water.
A recent adventure with Jack brought about the topic of this post. So, have you ever heard the expression, "Give it to God?" This is in reference to giving our worries and problems to God. I have always thought this is right on, but I often have trouble "giving God" my worries.
Well, when Jack got sick this week, I had a chance to get some clarity on this. He actually had a heat stroke. (I just realized that is kind of funny, with his name and all.) I took him to our local vet, and they treated him. His temperature came down to normal, and he was able to come home when the vet closed for the day. However, when I got him back home, he still looked very ill and wouldnt eat or drink. I took his temperature (you can find directions on how to take a cat's temperature on "e-how." We ARE getting a new thermometer for the family now)-- but anyway I took his temperature and it had shot up again. I would have liked to take him to the emergency vet, but I also did not feel right spending the extra money on it. I decided to monitor him and try to wait until morning. After makeing that decision, I kept second guessing myself and worrying about Jack. Finally it was as if God told me "Look, you just make the best decision you can, and stop worrying about it. I am the one who makes perfect decisions, you cannot do that. So let go of it and get some rest. I'm handling this."
After that, I knew it was OK to stop worrying, but I was still having trouble stopping. Then I invented a very helpful mental image. It was inspired by the shop vac we have borrowed from my parents. I love it -- I feel like I can vaccum up anything with it. So I imagined a big shop vac in heaven with the hose reacing down from the sky. It reaches down close enough that I can hold my worries up to the nozzle and it sucks them up. In a flash. I gave it to God. It is very satisfying, albeit primitive, and it actually helps me stop worrying. I have been doing that to needless fears and worries when I detect them. As a mom, I have plenty of opportunities to worry. But the shop vac is helping.
Oh, and to follow up on Jack Frost: his temperature dropped in the night and now he is fine and spunky again. I never even took him back to the vet.

Body Image Troubles?

2010-05-25T22:55:00.001-07:00

Last week I decided to make a pair of cut off jean shorts. I went online to a popular clothing store's website (sort or rhymes with "averygood beagle")to look for pictures to decide how long to cut them. OK, so I just opened their homepage and I was totally shocked. These little girls modelling the clothes look like they are in a "feed the children" add. They really look like they need someone to send them a bowl of rice.

Call me naive. Well, I am a little naive because I dont have network TV at home, I seldom go to malls, and I dont look at women's magazines. Now, even though I avoid those things for the most part, I still feel pressure to conform to society's idea of what a female looks like. But when I went on this company's websit, I was blown away. There is NO WAY those girls in their adds are healthy. I went on a couple of other sites for clothing stores who market to young women, and found really similar results. The "Averygood Beagle" site bothered me the most though, because it was the one I looked at which was oriented toward the youngest set -- I know its probably the most popular store with most high school girls around here. I hate to think they are internalizing these adds.

I have begun doing a little research into body image issues, and issues regaurding the way women are depicted in media. It is discouraging how few resources there are on this topic. The objectification of women (and the human body in general, male or female) apparently is something we are so used to that we are insensitive to it. There is obviously financial motivations.

I am especially discouraged by looking at the television programming that is oriented toward pre-teens. The preoccupation with image, both physical image and "attitude" image is apparently the main thrust of much of the programming. In school as well, I see this age group under pressure to focus on superficialities, with independent thinking and unique interests discouraged. Individuality is discouraged. Passion is discouraged.

OK, this is my first time attempting a rant on this topic, and there are many people who adress it much more elloquently than me. I just feel I have to take a shot at it, though. I encourage everyone to look into some of these issues: body image, self esteem (especially for girls), issues facing teens, media depiction of women, etc. I just started googleing some of these things and have found some interesting results.

BUT, we can go on about how bad all these things are all day, but ultimately the only way to change anything is to TAKE ACTION, STARTING WITH YOUR OWN MIND AND HEART AND WILL. Here is something I found that I LOVE. (for some reason this copied out of order, but I dont think it matters)

10 “Will-Powers” for Improving Body Image (by Michael Levine and Linda Smolak.

1. Twice a day, everyday, I WILL ask myself: “Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believeare the flaws in my body weight or shape?”

10. I WILL treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen toits needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams!

9. I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my
abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

8. I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do. Not for
how slender, or “well put together” they appear.

7. I WILL list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding,
intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel
bad about my body.

6. I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not
like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape.
I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel comfortable
in my body.

5. I WILL participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call
attention to my weight and shape. I will constantly remind myself that I
deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter
what my shape or size is!

4. I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I
will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to “makeup”
for calories I have eaten.

3. I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors—especially when they are
making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.

2. I WILL think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people arehappier or ‘better.” I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare mybody shape to someone.

I will choose to take care of myself and my body!

Back to Lionmamma -- I love this list. It is amazing.

I am going to print this out and post it on my wall and PRACTICE these choices. I want to start growing a new mindset in me that is loving to myself and loving to other people. What I see in media right now is a message that says, "you are not good enough, you do not measure up, and other women are a threat to you." I want to live out a different message to myself and those around me. "You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are a loved and priceless work of art, made by the all powerful God of the universe with intention and purpose juast for you. You are unique, you add to the goodness of the world by your mere existence. The same is true for me, the same is true for every human being." Let us love ourselves and love one another.

A Good Laugh at Myself or "Deinon"

2010-04-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

I simply have to tell on myself for this one. It made me happy.
This morning I stopped at the coffee shop on the corner near my house. I had Elijah with me and I propped him up on a stool by the bar while I waited on "my usual" drink (large coffee with cream and a little chocolate syrup, yum!) There was this blonde chick sitting on the next stool over. I could only see her from the back and side because her long perfect hair was concealing her face and she was at an angle to me. I could still make out designer jeans and a perfect figure. Her sunglasses were lying on the bar in front of us. Movie star glasses. She thinks she is so hot. From the corner of my eye I caught her smoothing her hair and I could tell she was checking out her reflection in the mirrored wall behind the bar.
I was only partly taking all this in because I was mainly trying to keep Elijah from pulling the lids off all the pastry containers and asking him what kind of snack he wanted. There was also a talk show on. I heard a snatch of the conversation. "Moms need the internet at home but they have to..." I looked up at the TV and read something on the screen to the effect of "Bad girls: Moms attacking each other online." Evidently there is a problem with girl slander online among stay at home moms. I groaned inwardly.
Elijah and I got our treats and headed back to my van. As I buckled him into his seat and opened my door I caught myself involuntarily checking my reflection in the window. All of a sudden, I got tickled and giggled like crazy. "If I was as hot as that girl, I would check out my reflection too!" I said to no one in particular. In that moment when I caught myself looking at my reflection it all suddenly seemed so comical to me that I had been scorning my fellow sex relentlessly while I, despite my "enlightened, liberated" perspectives had quite the same streak operating somewhere in my otherwise sensible (ha!) little mind.
"Many marvels walk through the world, terrible, wonderful, but none more than humanity..."

Gourd Update

2010-04-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well the art opening at Main Street Arts was terrific. It was a beautiful day and four artists, including myself, set up outside to do onsite work and demonstrations. We put out a painting station for kids, and in the gallery new art was hung and refreshments were served. Quite a crowd was downtown becuase of the city wide yard sale, and overal it was a fun event.
Here is a photo of the gourd I worked on at the opening, and I finished it and planted herbs in it for my friend Frances. I really like the look of a gourd as a planter, and would like to make more. I like the very spare ornamentation because it lets the beauty of the gourd speak for itself. I am also excited to try a new technique of staining my gourds with homemade dyes and finishing them with a natural tree oil that should make them completely waterproof and safe for use holding food and drinks. I'll keep you posted:)

Motivation

2010-04-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

I have to confess that although I am now a believer through and through in the effectiveness of Flylady, right now I am struggling along with it. This month is gardening month (more on that later:) and also the gallery is opening next saturday, and the half marathon is the following saturday. Add to that some unusually hot weather and you can see why things have been intense lately. I am determined not to give up, though.
Tonight Brandon went to bed early and I did not want to shine the sink before bed. It was full of dishes. Finally I stopped worrying about it and set the kitchen timer for five minute. Four minutes later the sink was empty and the dishwasher was running.
I am more and more convinced that I usually spend more time worrying about doing something than it would take to actually do it. I like using the timer for these situations. I say, "Ok, I will just pick up clutter for five minutes" (or ten or fifteen). It reminds me that these things are actually pretty darn easy to do, once you start.
I enjoyed shining my sink after the dishes were in the washer, and I reflected on how shining the sink really is something I do for myself. It is all becoming something I do for myself. I enjoy tidying and cleaning. The little tasks can be relaxing, so I try to do housework slow and easy. I have begun to think of taking care of the home in a similar way to how I think of taking care of my body.
Speaking of body care, I realized the other day that I was getting about half a cup of honey a day just in my tea or coffee. That is just too much. I am trying to find a way to moderate my added-sugar intake. I know my honey habit is probably not as bad as what lots of Americans consume, but that is not the point for me. I want to feel good, and I have noticed that I get really addicted to that caffeine and sugar fix. I have used the excuse of being a new mom for awhile, but I dont want to let that become a rut for me. My goal is to cut down to two tablespoons of honey a day. I will let you know how that goes.
OK, so the kitchen is clean and I feel peaceful sitting here and blogging with Jack Frost curled up on my "piggy-toes." Baby steps! I will just stick with my baby steps.

You Are Invited to an Art Opening!

2010-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, May 17th, is a special opening at Main Street Arts. This is Pleasant View's very own artist co-op, feturing a gallery of local art, and a studio space for educational pursuits. It is located at the corner of Pleasant View Main Street, across from the Feed Mill, in the house that used to be Pleasant View Cafe. I am proud to be working, along with my cousin Monica O'Neil, as an education co-ordinator for this group. We are also known as the Tennessee Art Brigade.
I will be putting into the gallery the two gourds shown in the photos above. I also plan to offer a two session class on making a gourd bowl, and possibly a drawing for non-artists class. Monica will be teaching a number of children's classes, and there are also classes planned for jewelry making, pottery, and painting.
If you are in the Pleasant View area,come by on Saturday to see us! We are planning a painting area for children, and some of the artists will be at work on the site. I hope to be there working on a gourd project, with little Beatrice in tow. It is also the city-wide yard sale day, so Pleasant View Main Street should be the happenin place. Last year there were even food venders present. Hope to see you there!
p.s. If you can't make it this weekend, the gallery will be having regular hours several days a week from about 9 - 4.

I Ate It!!

2010-04-12T03:40:00.000-07:00

This post is inspired by the fact that I just ate the last organic apple in our house.
Since I have been married and had children, I have this instinctive urge to save the best of everything for the other family members. Especially when it comes to food. When Brandon and I first got married, I got the biggest kick out of feeding him. I think it is the southern woman in me. Now I am really busy and too often I forget to cook, but I still have that urge to save the best foods for Brandon and Elijah. Finally I realized that there are times when I need to just eat it. My body is probably the hardest working body in the house (think baby-making and baby-nursing). Come to think of it, you could consider my body in symbiotic relationship to every other body in our household. What is good for my body is good for us all. So I decided it is a good idea for me to eat the sliced turkey instead of saving it for Brandon's lunch, and to eat the last organic apple instead of saving it for Elijah. It is even a good idea to buy the more expensive Greek yogurt because it has twice the protein and I need massive amounts of protein right now.
Mamma is taking care of herself. That is a hard habit to learn! But I want my babies to see their mamma care for her body, and I know it will help them to someday do the same.
So here is my picture after I ate the apple. Yum!

Taking the Tea Challenge

2010-04-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

We are having tea parties here! (not the political kind:) I have bought the biggest bag of SCOTTISH Breakfast Tea I have ever seen. This came about because I was mulling over how much waste came with each box of tea I bought. Finally I decided to go online and order a big bag of tea. Big it is! This is what a pound of loose leaf tea looks like. Will I finish it? Well, the size of this bag motivated me to stop buying coffee for the house. I realized that is saving us about five dollars a week. What's more important is that I have been sleeping great at night and staying more hydrated. From what I hear, tea has some great nutritional benifits. Don't think I am doing without though... I am once again Dunkin Donut's best customer!

New Photos of Children

2010-04-09T12:58:00.001-07:00

Spring Flowers in Our Yard

2010-04-09T12:48:00.001-07:00

My Body, My Minivan, and My Identity

2010-03-30T06:48:00.000-07:00

This posting is a musing on some changes that have come along with being a mother. When I first got pregnant (at 28) I was really felt too young to be a mother. Ok, so I had an extended adolescance. Now I am 31, only three years have passed, but in terms of experience I feel like a different person! When I was 28, it seemed scary to me to change from my still somewhat adolescent mindset to the mother mindset. I worried about looking like a mother, too, whatever that means.
Of course my own mother is awesome, and that definately helped me face the idea of motherhood with optimism. I remember as a small child thinking that "being a mamma" must be the best thing in the world, because I couldn't imagine anyone more awesome than my mamma!
But I still felt worried when I got pregnant at 28 about what life would be like with children. At the time I worked very hard to stay thin and dress in a style that I thought portrayed my personality, and I was worried that I would loose my individuality in motherhood.
When the children (I say children because we had two pretty close together) arrived, I did struggle with my identity for awhile. But the interesting thing was that I ended up coming to the conclusion that I had not really had an identitiy to loose. I had spent alot of time thinking about what I thought was cool, but less time living what I loved. Now, I was not a total looser by any means, and I did alot of stuff. But my heart was not always in the moment. I did not always know why I was doing what I was doing, and often thought I needed to be doing something else.
And at first, I still thought identity had to do with what I looked like. I think that in our society, that is the natural conclusion. You watch TV and get all these messages that what you look like is who you are. I spent alot of time back then trying to look natural, artistic, and outdoorsy, because that was what I wanted my identity to be.
A couple of changes after motherhood brought this image idea to a crisis for me. One thing, this is an obvious one, is that my body changed after bearing two children. At first I could not deal with the fact that my body changed from the waifish, girlish figure I had before babies. Gradually, as I learned to focus on health, and what my body could DO, the miricle of making a child, making food for that child, and the amazing strength of my body to continue staying fit and strong during and after the process, I started caring less about what it looked like and more about how amazing it is. I have over time learned to appreciate even the new look of my body, and finally to come to appreciate a more womanly appearance. In fact, my husband thinks its really hot:)
Another, kind of funny change that happened was the process of switching to a minivan. My dear inlaws were so patient with me about this, and now I find it kind of a funny joke on me. Well, I think most people, to some extent, see the vehicle they drive as a projection of their personality, at least to some degree. And I dont think too many women who drive minivans really would say with satisfaction, "I think my minivan is an image of who I am." And as I said, I was still living my extended adolescence to some degree when I got pregnant the first time. So when I was faced with the prospect of driving a minivan, I did not at first find that too exciting. Over time, however, I came to think differently about what a minivan is. First I just saw it as your steriotypical "mom car." But as I hauled two little ones around in my station wagon, I began to think space could be an important thing. Actually, just the fact that we do lots of outdoors stuff, and that I have lots of art projects, means we have STUFF to haul around, and we need more space. A minivan has space. In fact, I think it has the most space of just about any vehicle you could drive, and is more fuel efficient. It is a smart and economical vehicle. It makes sense. I started seeing it that way, and I realized there is a reason to drive a minivan. My husband knew this all along, and he had actually driven a minivan in college. But I had to come to it on my own. And, as I said, my dear inlaws were patient with me about it, because they were the ones offering to buy us one.
I still dress in a way I like, that seems to me to be natural, outdoorsy, and artistic. I even bought bumper stickers that I love for my minivan, and I have a secret (not secret now!) hope to get some flames added to "the Ghost" (that is my minivan's name). But now I see those things as something for fun and not the definition of who I am. Who I am has to do with what I love. Now when I take care of my babies and my family, I am able to be in the moment and know that I am exactly where I want to be, doing just what I want to be doing. And that is what identity is about.

Saying Goodbye Again

2010-03-26T18:07:00.001-07:00

Photo above: (From last July) Smokey trying out our new baby seat we had bought for Beatrice before she was born, with Elijah's baby doll.

Tonight I had made plans to cook a special meal for Brandon in honor of his completing his current Latin course. (He took his final exam Thursday. I have to put in a cheer for my husband here, because he found a way to do his Latin course even working two jobs, and did it in a way that didnt take a way from family time... and still got all A's!)
Our dinner never came to be, however, because just before Brandon arrived home I found our cat Smokey lying badly injured on the driveway. I tried to stay calm in front of Elijah, but I knew Brandon would need to get him to the vet right away. It turns out Smokey had multiple injuries and would have needed at least two surgeries and had only a chance of recovery, not to mention a long and painful healing process if he did make it. We were willing to try whatever it took, but after prayerfully considering everything and talking with the vets, we felt it was better to go ahead and say goodbye to Smokey.
This was a hard thing to do. Once again I am thankful for my husband here. I did not even want to look at Smokey up close when he was hurt (because it was so sad), and Brandon took care of getting him into a box and driving him to the emergency vet. I was also glad he could make the final decision about what course of action to take with Smokey, because I would have had a much harder time deciding what to do.
I appreciate Leila's mother praying for us to have wisdom in making that decision. It is such a hard, sad postition to be in.
We will miss Smokey. I feel some comfort because I do think it is pretty likely that animals go to heaven. If you want to know why I think so, read C.S. Lewis's section on Animal Suffering in "The Problem of Pain." I think so for other reasons as well, but I like what he says on it. Its a fantastic book anyway.
P.S. I think we will probably end up keeping Jack Frost insinde all the time now. Even though we are back from the road and on a good bit of land, it seems like dogs are a problem around here. I think J.F. will do fine, because he is very young and likes the house anyway.

Outing to Sycamore Rec.

2010-03-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Friday the weather was beautiful and my friend Francis and I took our little ones to Sycamore Recreation Area. We enjoyed playing by the river, watching ducks and boats, and swinging at the playground. Here are some of our photos.

Its Springtime!

2010-03-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

Today is warm and beautiful and sunny in Tennessee. Both the little ones played outside this morning and they were so interested in looking at everything, that they would barely give me a chance to get a picture. I did the best I could! It is amazing how beautiful the first spring days feel. It is like we are coming out of hybernation!

I found our first buttercup peeking out from behind our apple tree. Will we have apples again this year? I hope so! Our apple tree has the most delicious apples ever.

I noticed there are alot of exclamation points in this when I proofed it, but it is springtime, and that is just how it is.

See Mommy Run

2010-03-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

Those are not my children, but they are in the double jogging stoller I have, the Bob Revolution Duallie, and it is a cute picture.

I had been running about ten years when I got pregnant with Elijah. I went ahead and kept running throughout both my pregnancies. I am thankful that I did not have any complications or health problems that would prevent me from going about my normal exercise routines. With both babies I was able to run 5k races at five months, and won my age group both times (OK, I admit both times it was a really small race, but still...). My doctors knew I was running and were perfectly fine with it. In my second pregnancy I was still nursing Elijah, so between nursing, growing a baby, and running, my body was doing alot. I did more spin classes than running in the second and third trimeters that time. Now I am nursing two little ones and training for a half marathon. Since Beatrice started sleeping through the night, I am able to do more. I was dissapointed at first when I couldnt jump right into training again after she was born. I had to be patient with my body and cut back my running days to only three per week. I think the lack of sleep was keeping my muscles from recovering as effeciently.

The most helpful thing about running when pregnant and with babies has been learning to listen to my body. I dont push it too hard. I have found that when my body is too stressed it is impossible to increase my fittness level. I have found that there are times when I get better results from taking time off. At the same time, exercise helped me alot when I was sleep deprived. It actually energized me and made it easier to get through those days. In some ways having two little ones has been easier than having one because they keep me moving around more, and it is often when you sit still that fatigue is really hard to bear. It keeps me in touch with my body, trying to tell how much exercise helps me without going overboard and doing it until it wears me down.

Moderation takes more focus than going to an extreme.

It also sounds ironic, but having less time to exercise makes me more motiviated. I do most of my running at the YMCA, while the little ones are in the nursery. Whenever I have an opportunity when someone can watch the children while I go for a run, it is really a treat and I just take off.

Someone said to me today, "wow you have a six month old baby and you are doing a half marathon, thats great!" I said, "Oh, that does sound good, doesn't it? I forget to look at it that way!" Basically, with babies, just getting out there makes you a winner! Thats nice, isnt it?

Homemade Baby Food

2010-03-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

This is Beatrice is trying her first dessert, a mix which I call "plums and greens pudding."

Beatrice is eating solids now, and I have been thrilled to find that it is very easy to make my own baby foods. She is eating better than her brother did, and when I taste her food, I think I know why. The home made food is delicious! I always finish hers if she doesn't eat it all. I am also fortunate to have lots of garden fresh produce stored in our freezer. She has had apples, butternut squash, and green beans that were locally grown last summer.

So here is what makes it so easy. I take out a bag of frozen fruit or vegetables, defrost, steam, and then blend to a creamy consistency, mixing rice milk or rice cereal if it needs it. Then I pour or spoon the puree into an ice cube tray, cover, and freeze. When it is frozen I pop it out of the tray into a freezer bag. The whole process takes about half an hour at most, and when I am done I have one to two ounce size potions that I can take from the freezer bag and microwave, so that its ready at any time. I can also get out different flavors and mix them. It tastes much better than store bought, and is way fresher and less processed, so she is getting lots more nutritional value. Yum!

Natural Ant Control

2010-03-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

The little bitty black ants.... If you have ever had those in your home, you know they are a cursed breed! We have been having our home sprayed regularly just to keep them under control. Now that I have two babies, I am tired of having poison sprayed around. I looked up natural forms of ant control and am testing something new. I have been mopping the floor around the area where the ants come in with vinigar, every night. I am also wiping the countertops down with vinigar and sprinking cinnamon around the edges of those areas (it smells nice, too). So far, no ants. I will update in a month or so with the longer term results.
Anyone else have ant control ideas?

UPDATE: Two days with no ants. I mean NO ants, not a single little scout anywhere!

UPDATE AFTER TWO WEEKS: Ok, so I slacked off and didnt mop or wipe the cabinet with vinegar for about a week. Finally, I saw a few ants. I cleaned up all the cinnamon that I had put down, and the next day it rained (which really brings in ants at our house) and their were quite a few ants in the house after that. I took everything off the cabinet and floor around the door, where they come in, and mopped and wiped with vinegar again. This time I sprinkeld black pepper instead of cinnamon. Within a couple of hours there was not an ant to be seen. I am thinking I will just have to stay on top of "vinegar and spice" applications. Thats fine with me because it motivates me to keep things cleaner, and even with the poison, the best you can hope for is to "manage" your ants. I think I will try some dichotamous earth outside too. That stuff was awesome for Japanese beatles last summer, and Ive heard it works for ants as well.

Wooly Pants for Baby

2010-03-09T05:37:00.001-08:00

Here is Beaatrice Rose at six months, sporting her new handknit wool diaper cover. Why use wool for a diaper cover? I use cloth diapers and that means I have to cover them with plastic pants or some other cover to prevent baby's clothes from getting soggy. Cloth diapers have come a long way in the past twenty years or so. Now you can choose from an enormous array of easy diapering options -- I use organic diapers made of cotton or bamboo, with velcro closures and fitted with elastic. Over this, I prefer to put a wool cover because it is a natural breatheable fiber. Wool is also naturally antibacterial, which means it resists odors. I treat my wool covers with lanolin, a natural oil that is widely used for nipple cream for breastfeeding mothers. The lanolin is derived from sheepskin, and basically it restores the natural water resistant quality to the wool fibers. It is sort of like conditioning it, and makes the wool softer. I wash my wool covers by hand with a special woolwash.
For me, cloth diapering is a hobby as well as an economical and environmental choice. I enjoy using the cloth diapers, and it is not hard to launder them. The wool covers are especially fun for me, and among the few people who diaper with wool, there is a bit of a subculture with its own vocabulary and designs. Wool covers may be "longies" (like wool pants, usually worn over the diaper as pants), "shorties", "skirties", or "soakers." Beatrice, in the photos above, is wearing what would be considered a wool "soaker." Soakers are the most versitile, in my opinion, becuase they can be worn underneath any type of outfit, or worn alone as a bloomer type bottom. The second is an especially good option when you have a very cute soaker like this one. Our aunt Y____ (shall remain nameless for security purposes:) knit these for Beatrice. It is such a treat to have a knitter in our family! I love the look of a knitted cover. (We also have the best knit bibs from Y______ that are works of art in themselves.)
If you do not knit or have a knitter in your family, wool sweaters can be recycled into very nice covers. I have made some from a double layer of cashmere, and they are super soft. Some people make these with appliques on the hiny -- really cute.
The way I see it is, if you are going to make a choice that requires more intentional thought and a little more time, you might as well have fun with it!

Photos of Elijah Painting

2010-02-28T06:17:00.001-08:00

Elinjah sat with his watercolors and painted for about half an hour this morning. I was watching him paint, and he enjoyed commenting to me on his work. His hand dexterity has continued to develop and for the first time he was focused on painting objects in his picure rather than simply "scribbling." I noticed he can also paint in spirals now. He is really enjoying it now. We will have to do this more often.

Tribute to Aunt Carlene, August 1940 - February 2010

2010-02-27T03:19:00.000-08:00

I plan to read the following at my aunt's funeral, which is scheduled for Saturday, February 27.

Hello, for those of you who do not know me, I am Carlene’s niece, Stephanie. My mother Judy is Carlene’s sister.

Carlene has always been a special person in my life. Since I was a little girl she has encouraged and loved me. She has always been so happy to see me and my husband Brandon, and my children, Beatrice and Elijah. She has also given us a lot of good food.

**I want to share a few stories with you about Carlene from her childhood, but first here is something that will make you laugh. Last year she told my mamma about a dream she had. Carlene dreamed she died and was laying in her casket in the funeral home. In the dream she looked around that funeral home and thought to herself: I’ve got to get up out of here and clean this place up!

We have tried to make everything nice for her today, so she won’t have to worry about that.**

Carlene was the third child out of the ten children born to Beulah and Carl Perry. I love hearing stories from their childhood. Carlene was born early and had pneumonia, and her mother cried and cried because she thought her first little girl would never make it. They had to buy goat milk for her because she was allergic to cow’s milk. Carlene was so small that her mother made her a little bed in a shoe box. She also sometimes would pin her diaper to a pillow so that she could sleep safely on the pillow. Carlene got better though, and grew up helping her mother care for the family. She learned to cook by standing on a wooden box helping her mother. Mamma told me that Carlene used to clean and wax the floors in their old house when they were young and then shine them by pulling the smaller children over the floors on a blanket. She ironed the boys clothes and sometimes would do twenty pair of jeans at a time. One of her brothers was very particular that his jeans should stand up on their own when she was done, and if they didn't he would bring them back to her to do over. Carlene was like a second mother to her younger brothers and sisters, and because she was the first girl born in the family they always called her “sister.”

Maybe that is why Carlene loved cooking and entertaining. She grew up doing for people and she never stopped. Even when her health got bad she was still cooking for people, or sending food. She always made sure that people kept in touch. She loved children, and even though she never had children of her own, she was like a second mother to more people than just her brothers and sisters.

This is why I love thinking of Carlene in heaven. Heaven is a place that is all about relationships. When we go there to be with our Father, we will be one family. Heaven is described as having a city with many dwelling places. We also know that heaven is a place where there is feasting and banquets, and Jesus will sit down at the table with His brothers and sisters.

I have come to think that everyone will have their own special service in Heaven. It will not be work like what we know here, where we get worn out. It will be joyful activity that leaves you feeling refreshed. I strongly suspect Carlene’s work will be helping to prepare the heavenly banquets. She will still be serving her brothers and sisters, this time with no pain or sorrow.

Last year, Carlene organized a reunion for the Perry family. I think almost 100 people showed up, and it was a lot of fun, we had good food and some really nice music. But think of the reunion Carlene is having now. She is seeing her savior face to face. Carlene loved our Lord, and as much as she will love being together with the people she loved who went before her, being with her Lord is now the greatest joy she has ever known. It is hard for us to get past how we miss her, but she would want us all to know that she has never been so happy and well, and that God is loving each and every one of us more than we can imagine.

** This paragraphe will not be in the version I read at the funeral, but I left it in here because I think it is a cute story.

Follow up on "Mamma Burnout"

2010-02-21T17:01:00.000-08:00

I didnt mean to make it sound in that last post as if getting to know myself and getting a daily routine simply made mamma burnout dissapear. The limitations that motherhood imposed on me just put me in a better position to slow down and have to be present with myself, and that was the point I wanted to make. But in terms of how I transitioned from feeling somewhat isolated to really having more of a life than I ever have had before -- that has been a journey. I have had alot of help. An Al-anon slogan says that we are "powerless but not helpless." I like to think of being "not helpless" in terms of all the places where I can and do seek help.
One way I ask for help is in prayer. A good prayer for any "poor me" feelings has been to pray for God to enlarge my heart. I know I am a selfish person by nature, and while it is easy to love your children, it can be hard to give to them 24/7 in the way they need it, even when you are taking care of yourself too. I often ask God to enlarge my heart -- to send me more love for my children and husband, and to help me just enjoy being around them and treasure these days. My children are going to be small for only a very little while and I know I will look back on this time with longing some day. I want to be able to treasure it now. When I have asked God for this, I believe he has done it. I am thankful for the blissful moments He has given me when we are all together being in the moment. Sometimes God just reminds me to stop cleaning or working and just sit down with the little ones and snuggle or play with them.
Also on a prayer note, I have asked God for strength for the day on many tough days. I often feel physically tired and sometimes I feel overwhelmed with what needs to be done in the day. When I ask God for strength just for that day, He gives it to me.
I have alot of people who help me too. Going to Granny's house is a treat for my children and for me! Having family nearby is a huge asset in terms of day to day sanity. Our family who are out of state have also been a major help to us in other ways (not the least the incredible generosity of my inlaws in recently buying us a minivan). The church provides a Bible study with free childcare, and my YMCA has free childcare while I work out. My husband is a champion at helping me with everything, and giving me time on my own for attending al-anon meetings and doing saturday training runs with my YMCA running group.
So I rely on God, family, and friends. Isn't help a wonderful thing? I believe that to anyone who seeks help, it will be given.

The Gift of "Mamma Burnout"

2010-02-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

I should preface this by saying it is only what has worked for me; there is as much variation in ideas for living well as there is people to live. But I love hearing how other mommies do things, and if you are a momma, I'll bet you do to.
My experience has been that I have more of a life now than I did before having children. I think this is because I did not have discipline to develop my interests well before children (let's refer to this time as B.C.) All that free time I had B.C. made it harder for me to focus on developing anything. Also, I was able to divert myself with random pleasures enough that I did not have to face my character defects that were holding me back from getting to know myself better. I really had less identity then than I do now.
Having children was a sort of ball and chain for me (granted the most wonderful, sweet, and blessed ball and chain imaginable!) at first. I loved them so so dearly and wouldnt go back to B.C. for anything, but i also felt stressed and isolated. What was good about the limitations the children put on me was that I had to face myself, being present with myself and my own lack of inner resources. I had to start getting help dealing with the parts of myself where I was unhealthy, becuase I couldnt hide from them anymore by diversions.
When I began to seek help for myself, I found I was beginning to develop a positive network of support people. Goodbye feelings of isolation! As I began to get to know myself, instead of just entertaining myself, I began to discover what I really like. I like art. I like gardening. I like making my own foods. I like running. I really like gourds and gourd art.
Now, about learning what I like: I never developed myself artistically even when I was in art school becuase I never knew what I liked. I couldnt tell you what kind of art I enjoyed. For me art was one part outlet, and one part parlour trick. I got attention by making art, and that was a good part of my incintive for doing it. I didnt love it for itself that much, though. However, I am artistic, and now I am able to tell you what art I love and why. I also have found, in gourd art, a medium I love enough to persue with dedication.
Now comes the fun part. I know what I like. How do I get to do it while taking care of two small children? For me the answer has been routines. I used to hate routines but now I see them as musical living. I use the Flylady system to make homecare easier. My children take at least two naps every day, and we stay home alot so that when they are tired, they can lay down. Staying home keeps them happy and gives me more free time at home to do those things I love. The only place we go very often is church, grannie's house (3 miles away), and the YMCA. The Y is part of our morning routine now, and the kids do really great staying in nursury while I work out. I have found it is easier to be motivated to run now that I only get one chance to do it every day.
So that is why "Mamma Burnout" has been a gift for me... it has helped with getting rid of some things holding me back.

Tandem Nursing

2010-02-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, Elijah is still nursing, and Beatrice is exclusively breastfeeding. She is little, but it is not from any shortage of milk supply. Nursing the two of them has almost created a problem with oversupply of milk, since milk is produced according to supply and demand. I have more milk now than when I only nursed one; in fact Tress often chokes and sputters when she first latches on and the milk lets down so forcefully. I do have to make sure she gets the high fat hindmilk as well as the more abundant foremilk. This is generally not a problem, because I sometimes let Elijah nurse first so that he gets the watery stuff and leaves the richer milk for her.
I used to think tandem nursing sounded very hard core, but now that I am doing it, it doesnt seem like a big deal at all. In fact, it seems so natural that I dont think I really even notice I am doing it. Elijah mainly nurses after naps and when he wakes up, though I do usually nurse him for five minutes or so while I tell him a story when he lays down for his nap. That is our routine. I did have some trouble when I first brought Tress home with Elijah wanting to nurse indefinately. Brandon came up with the idea of doing a countdown before unlatching him, to let him know it was time to finish up. I made up the "mamma minute." I say, "time for a mamma minute" and then count to ten very slowly, then unlatch him. He usually giggles and goes right along with it. Other times when he wants to nurse but I dont really have time, I tell him he can have a "mamma minute" and that seems to satisfy him. It is really helpful.
When I first brought Tress home there were lots of times when I would nurse one on each side at the same time. Sometimes I still do this. Once when Tress was about three weeks old Elijah got a very high fever with a virus and we took him to urgent care. He was miserable and cried nonstop except for when I nursed him. Tress was still at an age of wanting to nurse most of the time too, so I sat in the waiting room with a little one latched on each side. I bet it was a sight to see, but they were peaceful that way.
I had also wondered if they would pass germs to each other by tandem nursing. As far as I can tell this hasnt been a problem, at least in that it seems Elijah gets lots of colds and Tress almost never gets sick. I read that usually in tandem nursing the toddler gets a cold, and in nursing he then passes bacteria to the mother's system, which responds by making the appropriate antibodies for that sickness. Those antibodies are passed to the toddler and infant in the breastmilk, and so the toddler has the advantage of recieving the antibodies before they develop the sickness. I assume this must have something to do with Tress' good health.
I really couldnt imagine doing it any other way. It works for us. Every family is different -- I am a big believer that each family will have their own unique way of doing things. But if everyone is happy and thriving, then in my book that is good, whatever form that takes.

Is Being Married Hard? A Valentines Reflection

2010-02-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

My friend asked me this and I said, "Yes, it is." We talked about that a little but the conversation has been sticking with me.
I decided that the hardest thing about being married was realizing that my husband wasn't perfect (I already knew I wasn't) and loving him anyway. It sounds simple to say that no one is perfect, but for me it was hard to accept that my husband was not going to be the exact person I wanted him to be.
Now I can see that marriage is a beautiful opportunity for two people to see each others imperfections and love one another anyway. Plus it may be that what you thought was an imperfection is actually just a trait that is different from what you are used to, and often a positive trait. People tend to be attracted to differences, and then they later resent that very same thing. Its just human nature. Marriage challenges you to grow beyond your limitations, to expand your character and broaden your imagination and capabilities.
When you are dating you are looking for the perfect person, and it is good to have high standards. When you get married, acceptance is crucial. I personally find it amazing how hard I can be on my husband. I fall into that "stinking thinking" that he should be exactly my own little imaginary ideal (thank goodness he's not!), and I begin to get very critical and judge his motivations in the worst way. Luckily he is forgiving, and it has always been a relief to me to realize that I am in the wrong when I do this. It is hard and unhappy work to be judgemental and critical. It feels much better to love and accept. Why is it that the happier and easier way is also so much harder?
So, yes it is hard. But it gives you an amazing chance to learn about yourself and to grow into a happier and more loving person. And it gives you a chance to be loved in a uniquely deep way, because your mate knows your imperfections better than anyone else. We need to know we are not perfect, we will never be perfect, and we are still loved. This is the way we are able to love ourselves and others. Forget "perfection" -- we dont know what it is anyway. Accept and try to understand the strangeness of the ones you live in relationship with, and you will grow and be blessed beyond what you could ever guess.

Elijah Riding in the Farm Truck

2010-02-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

New Photos of Tress

2010-02-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

February 9 Update on FLYing

2010-01-31T09:42:00.000-08:00

My Shining Sink

February 9: FLYlady in Sickness and in Health

I have been working on the babysteps portion of FLYlady, which is not really the all out program. It has made a drastic difference already, and I cant wait until I have my "control journal" finished so that I can start experimenting with routines more. But, today I found another indicator of out how much the system has been helping me. Yesterday I was feeling really horrible, and the house got a bit out of hand. This morning it was looking a little cluttered again (though the sink was still shining!)

I went about my day today, and just tried to get back into the swing of things. By the end of the day, the house was clean again with hardly any effort, and I had gotten some things on my longer term to-do list finished. I also decluttered my bedroom, which I had been putting off. It ended up taking about twenty minutes! I followed the FLYlady directions about taking a throw away, put away, and give away bad into the room. Well, I went around the room putting things into those bags and I was truly shocked at how quickly the floor became clean and the furniture uncluttered.

So, even with a sick day of being out of my routines, everything came right back together without a problem. I am loving this!

FLYLADY UPDATE:

I have been doing flylady now for about a week and I am a convert. Now I am getting as excited about FLY routines as all people in the crazy "testimonial" emails I keep receiving. It really is remarkable. The house is so clean and decluttered already that it is a little spooky. And I havnt really even put much time into it. How does it happen?

One of the purposes of Flylady is to declutter your whole house. I kept waiting to get to the part where she is going to show me how to do that, and then I realized these little fifteen minute "27 fling boogies" and five minute "room rescues"... thats it. A few minutes a day and a few routines and thats all there is.

Did you know Flylady got her name because she teaches fly fishing? How cool is that?

STARTING FLYLADY
I found a system of life organization/housecleaning online called "flylady." FLY stands for finally loving yourself, which I like. You sign up for an email group and get a daily "baby step" to follow every day of the first month, plus encouraging testemonials, etc. I have been deleating my testemonials because I am also trying to clean out my inbox... I just got below 3,800. I think if I clean out a page every time I check my email, I may get the box cleaned out in a few years or so.

The first thing you do is shine your sink. It is supposed to be a sort of touchstone bringing clarity into your life. Thus my shiny sink pictured above. Brandon is still skeptical about not piling dishes in the sink and doing a big wash at the end of the day, but we are giving it a shot for a week. It is fun to see it gleaming all the time, and if you just give your dishes a quick rinse and stick them in the washer every time you use them, it is not a bad system. And it motivates you to empty to washer right away.

I will keep you posted on how the Flylady system works for us.

Photos of Elijah Playing in the Snow

2010-01-31T09:13:00.000-08:00

Elijah has enjoyed his first memorable snowfall this year. He has played in the snow making snow angels, throwing snowballs and sledding. This is a big snowfall for Tennessee. We have a good two inches of ice on the roads in our area right now and Brandon should have several snow days next week, hurrah!

Pictures of Beatrice, 5 months

2010-01-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

Little Beatrice Rose is now five months old. Isn't she beautiful? She loves to laugh and squeal and try to be like her big brother. She is also still a little penut: she is not quite eleven and a half pounds.

Workaholics Anonymous Affirmations

2010-01-29T16:57:00.000-08:00

Lets have three cheers for Workaholics Anonymous, one of the lesser known of the 12 step Anonymous groups. And three more cheers for affirmations; we all need more exposure to these guys for sure. Here are some of my favorite WA affirmations:

I refuse to rush; there will be enough time.

The slower I go, the more I do, the more time I have.

Think timelessness -- sip, not gulp.

Slow is beautiful and powerful. I move glacially.

Am I a human being or a human doing? Am I enjoying, or enduring?

I'm not livin' if I'm driven.

My life is full and underscheduled.

Rest is the best reward I give myself.

Success is the quality of your journey.

Enjoyment is my way of keeping score.

The goal is the excuse for the fun of the race.

Work is the highest form of play.

Put it on your not-do list.

I do everything easily and effortlessly.

There is no place I have to go, and nothing I have to do.

Even if offered the best, say "no" if you need to rest.

Simplicity means small and frequent pleasures.

Importance, not urgency; values, not goals; quality, not quantitiy.

I am more effective by beaing more selective.

The slower I go, the faster I grow.

My body is my friend and my temple. I bless and thank it daily and obey its signals.

Emotions are information. I honor their important messages.

You can't run your life on empty.

and my current favorite:
When you simplify, you're not subtracting: you're adding time and space.

**Taken from "Workaholics Anonymous, Book of Recovery."**

The Next Right Thing

2010-01-29T13:52:00.000-08:00

Some days you feel on top of everything, and you are tapped into your inner super hero. Other days "super hero" seems absurd. Sometimes your parenting decisions are working perfectly and you are on a roll, and other times you are doubting and wondering if you are one of the worst parents ever. I think this is perfectly normal.

Today has been the second way for me. The little ones are sick and I am sleep deprived. I havn't ran in days and the nap routine is off. I found myself in the middle of the day getting bogged down with second guessing my decisions and fretting over what I should be doing and if I was doing it ok. I am thankful that I recognized that I was feeling not quite right (listening to my feelings!) and I prayed. The Al-anon saying, "Do the next right thing" came to mind. For me today that was check on the potatoes in the oven, start some more laundry, interact with Elijah, and make us some healthy food. As I began to re-engage with my children, my home and myself, my stress and anxiety decreased and my confidence began to return.

A superhero must slow down to "lift up her eyes to the hills" and hearken.

Super-Sleep

2010-01-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

Since Beatrice Rose, (five months today!) has joined our family, we have been re-working our sleep life. At night I sleep on a full size matress with Beatrice and my husband sleeps on a twin matress with Elijah. Beatrice joined me all night from the time we brought her home, when she was only five pounds, and she still sleeps by my side and takes a nip whenever she goes through a light sleep cycle. I never had the crazy fatigue that I experienced when I brought Elijah home and got up to feed him when he woke.
Elijah has had trouble with night terrors. He went through a phase of waking up screaming, asleep with his eyes open, several times throughout the night. I have come to realize that he really needs a regular sleep routine with early bedtime and naps. He was functioning in a chronically overtired (and irritable) state for awhile, when I either had schedule conflicts that interrupted his nap and bedtimes, or just couldn't believe that he really needed that much sleep. When he was very small he went to bed four-thirty, and people would tell me that was wierd. Now that he is two and a half I have finally become convinced about the amount of sleep he needs and I have the determination and confidence to do what I need to do so he can get it.
We need to be home most of the day, and can't go out for more than about three hours, or one of the naps is messed up. With two little ones, it is not easy to get out anyway, so staying home is more appealing. Plus I can get lots done while they are napping.
There have been two times in Elijah's life when we have made significant sleep changes. The first was when he was about ten months old, and we night weaned him. We are in the process of the second change now, which is teaching him to go down for naps on his own. If you want to read about how we made either transition, see my posts on nap-teaching and night weaning. With Beatrice I am trying to start her early in forming more independent sleep habits than those her brother had. It has worked out well this way, because she is a more independant person, while Elijah has a high need for physical contact and "snuggling."
Now we are getting a sufficient amount of night time rest as a family, and the little ones are becoming happy little nap champs.

Breath-holding or Seizures?

2010-01-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

Elijah, who is now two and a half, has had episodes in which he stops breathing until he looses consciousness. I am not sure if they are siezures or what is called "breath-holding." He had the first episode when he was about two months old. He has had a total of about 18 of these, though some were borderline. They usually come when he is under some type of stress, but not necesarrilly angry or scared. Sometimes something seems to trigger it, such as me walking out of the nursury, or him falling down, but other times there was no apparent trigger. He usually cries out first, but not always. I can tell when one is starting -- he becomes very stiff with an arched back, his face grows bright red, then purple. His eyes roll back and he stops breathing. Only on one occaision, he began to convulse at this point. (That time he was with my mother, and she called 911). After he has not breathed for a few seconds (it feels like much longer!) he catches his breath and begins to breath again, very shallow, and his body relaxes. At this point he becomes very gray all over and clammy. He will regain consiousness in about a minute, but is completely dopey -- as if he doesnt know where he is, but I usually hold him and nurse him at this point, and he will fall asleep for awhile.
Pretty wild, huh?
The good news is that he has not had an episode like this in five months, though he had a borderline spell where he seemed almost to go out about two months ago. I hope that the fact that he didnt go out then, and that they are getting more spaced out, means that he is outgrowing these.
He has seen a couple of neurologists, and when he was four months he had a MRI that didnt pick up any abnormalities, though that was before the worst episodes had developed. After his convulsive episode, we took him to the ER, and he had a normal EKG there. His doctors are leaning toward calling these "breath holding," but I think they are probably some wierd form of childhood seizures. Apparently, either way we can just wait to see if he grows out of them, since they are not so far interfering with his health or safety. I dont want to start any meds unless he really needs them.
Anyone have kids with similar experiences? I would love to hear about it.